The Big Dog "Bite Me"
Scouting Report

by
Nick Namer, ESQ.

NAME

NICKNAME(S):”THE COMMISH” “G-88”

HT 5’7” WT: OH GOD YES!

SHOOTS: RIGHT

LEVEL: VETERAN/FRANCHISE

“HANSON”HACK RATING: 2(1=MILD 6=EXTRA SPICY)

PROS:AND NOW WE COME TO OUR BELOVED COMMISIONER. THE MAN WHO HAS TAKEN “ALL YOU CAN EAT” FROM A BUFFET INSTRUCTION AND TURNED IT INTO A LIFESTYLE CHOICE. A REF WHO DELAYED A PENALTY NOT BECAUSE OF POSSESION BUT BECAUSE HIS WHISTLE WAS INOPERATIVE DUE TO POWDERED SUGAR FROM A MUNCHKIN. A LEADER WHO GAINS INSPIRATION, INSIGHT AND APPARENTLY HAIRSTYLING TIPS FROM FROM 80’S ROCK BANDS WHO WE ASSUMED, OR EVEN HOPED, WERE DEAD.

NARROWLY EDGED OUT OF THE MUSIC BUSINESS HIMSELF, HE WAS TOLD “WE’VE ALREADY GOT MEATLOAF, WE DON’T NEED YOU, YOU’LL JUST CONFUSE PEOPLE”. HIS DOCTORS BELIEVE THAT THIS REFERENCE TO MEATLOAF WAS THE BEGINNING OF THE END DIET WISE. HE HAD NEW HOPE FOR A COMEBACK WITH HIP-HOP UNTIL HE FOUND OUT IT WAS ACTUALLY “PHAT RHYMES”.

CONS: HAD ENOUGH TIME ON HIS HANDS TO TAKE UP HOCKEY,CREATE THIS LEAGUE, AND TURN IT INTO THE MECCA OF TALENT AND INFORMATION WE SEE HERE TODAY.(HOW’S THAT FOR A CON)

“I’M SERIOUS, HE GIGGLES WHEN YOU POKE HIM IN THE STOMACH”

“I HEARD HE WAS THE CAPTAIN OF THE HOCKEY TEAM AT FAT CAMP”

“WHOSE THAT GUY YELLING AT RICHIE SARRO? “

GOALIE THOUGHTS: HERE COMES GARDNER, IF I POINT AND YELL “CHICKEN WINGS!!” HE’LL TURN AND I’LL POKECHECK HIM.

BUT SERIOUSLY: ALL FOOD REFERENCES ASIDE, I THINK DAVE MIGHT HAVE CREATED THIS LEAGUE JUST TO SHOWCASE HIS TALENTS. THE ‘COMMISH’ CAN PLAY ANY POSITION AND HE DOES QUITE WELL AT ALL OF THEM. SUPRISINGLY QUICK AND AGILE, HE IS ALWAYS PLAYING WITH HIS HEAD UP, ALWAYS. HE HAS A SHOT THAT IS TRICKY AND ACCURATE, AS HE HAS SCORED NUMEROUS TIMES FROM CENTER ICE, IN TRAFFIC AND ALONE. EXCELLENT ON THE BREAKOUT PASS.

AS A REF, HE HAS GOOD KNOWLEDGE OF THE RULES (OBVIOUSLY, HE SETS MOST OF THEM), MOST CALLS ARE FAIR AND CAN BE BACKED UP.

ALL SERIOUS LEAGUE DECISIONS ARE DONE BY CAPTAIN CONCENSUS AND ARE GENERALLY FAIR. THE COMMISH HAS WORKED HARD TO KEEP THE LEAGUE FUN, FAIR, AND UNDER CONTROL AND IT SHOWS. JUST CLICKING AROUND THE WEB SITE WILL GIVE YOU AN IDEA OF THE ORGANIZATION AND DEDICATION HE HAS. IF SHARON DIDN’T MARRY HIM I THINK MIKE NOONE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE.(OH MAN, I THINK I’LL JUST LEAVE YOU WITH THAT PICTURE IN YOUR HEAD). BYE.

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